Curious System

After yet another intense conversation with someone dear to me, M, I felt I needed to reach out for perspective. I have tried to do so with my partner, A, but I’m not sure what is fair, as they have a horse it the game (as it were). So do many of my friends…

So I reached out to my ex. Who also has BPD. Who has also danced both the spaces that M is dancing, and that A is dancing in my life…

We’ll see how it goes. I asked his permission first to talk about the topic. But then I sent him a 2+ page email.

But I trust in his capacity to say no.

The only fear? That he and I are still madly in love with each other, and that this might bring us back together. If it goes that direction, I need to be transparent with myself to assess what is, truly, going on… whether it is fear, desperation, hope, love, lonliness, longing… or if anything has actually changed.

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